McCaffrey Fears Stoned Eye Surgeons

In a recent interview on MSNBC, former Drug Czar Barry McCaffrey was spouting more of the nonsense that he has become so famous for. On that show he was debating the upcoming initiative to legalize marijuana in California with Paul Armentano, director of NORML.

So what is most troubling to Mr. McCaffrey about the possible legalization of marijuana in California? Well, I think the answer is obvious. With a legal supply of the drug readily available, everyone will be smoking it all the time. Truck drivers, teachers, pilots, and yes, eye surgeons will undoubtedly be performing their official duties under the influence. See, I told you the answer was obvious.

Being an open-minded individual, I really want to understand Mr. McCaffery’s concerns. So I will try to see the world through his eyes: Right now, under prohibition, the law prevents responsible people from using marijuana. Only hippies and addicted pot heads smoke marijuana now. Respectable people respect the law and abstain. In other words, it’s prohibition that is keeping our country from falling apart. The fact that another very potent mind-altering drug, alcohol, is currently legal is completely irrelevant. Responsible people understand that, even though alcohol is legal, they should not consume it under certain circumstances, like while driving a truck or performing surgery. But I guess those respectable people aren’t really all that respectable. They’ve been sitting around, abstaining from alcohol while on the job, waiting for the day that marijuana becomes legal. Once the floodgates are open, however, they will rush out and start smoking pot. All the time. Chaos will ensue.

So if I understand Mr. McCaffery’s reasoning, legal alcohol and legal marijuana are two completely different things. Drinkers understand that alcohol can impair them and use their own judgment as to when they should and should not drink. But marijuana is different. Responsible people using their own judgment does not apply to marijuana. I guess that’s because only irresponsible hippies use it. But wait, he’s not concerned about more hippies smoking pot if it were to be legalized. He’s concerned about truck drivers and teachers using it. The responsible ones.

I think I’m starting to get it. Unlike alcohol, marijuana makes people irresponsible. Trying it once in a legal environment would destroy their sense of responsibility. They would become hopelessly addicted and never be able to stop smoking it. They’ll use it constantly, making them unable to carry out their official duties. A rash of airline crashes and botched eye surgeries will necessarily follow.

Thank goodness Mr. McCaffery is looking out for our welfare. I feel so much safer knowing that my doctor or airline pilot does not smoke marijuana. How do I know they don’t smoke marijuana? That’s easy. Because it’s illegal. I shudder to think what might have become of me, for example, if my teachers had smoked marijuana. Like those long-haired, jeans-wearing professors I had in college back in the 70s. Here I thought they were pot smokers. I guess smoking with a few of them was what really fooled me. But now I know, they couldn’t have been marijuana smokers because marijuana was, and is, illegal. I guess they were just liberals. Thanks for clearing that up, Mr. McCaffery.

A Simple Solution for Oregon Medical Marijuana Users

If you are a medical marijuana user in Oregon, you’ve probably already heard about the recent Supreme Court decision. I’m talking about the ruling in the case of Emerald Steel Fabricators Inc. v. Bureau of Labor and Industries of the state of Oregon. In their infinite wisdom, the Oregon Supreme Court decided that the state’s medical marijuana law does not protect an individual from being fired for failing a drug test. It’s the same old story, federal law trumps state law. In effect, this ruling could potentially scuttle Oregon’s medical marijuana program. Only the unemployed, and those not receiving federal aid or living in federal housing, will be able to take their medicine without fear of reprisal. Could be devastating to a lot of seriously ill people.

But it doesn’t have to be. The solution is simple, and unfortunately I can’t take credit for it. I’m just posting here in hopes more people will be made aware of it. You see, while the federal government still classifies marijuana as a Schedule 1 controlled substance, the FDA has approved Marinol. In case you don’t know, Marinol is synthetic THC (one of the active ingredients in marijuana) that can be legally prescribed by doctors in the good ol’ U.S. of A. Even better, Marinol is classified as a Schedule 3 controlled substance. (If anyone can explain that discrepancy, I’m all ears.) What this means is that employers in Oregon can fire you for taking doctor-recommended marijuana, but they cannot fire you for taking doctor-prescribed Marinol. So the solution is really quite simple: when your doctor gives you a recommendation for medical marijuana, also ask for a prescription for Marinol. No need to ever fill that prescription. Just keep it around in case you ever fail a drug test. Since drug tests can’t distinguish between synthetic and natural THC, just show them your prescription and you will be fine. Problem solved. No one need ever be fired for taking their medicine in Oregon again.

Of course then it will be up to the feds to sort things out. If drug tests can’t distinguish between a prescribed and a recommended drug, then maybe the classification system needs to be reconsidered. Or maybe they need better drug tests. But who really cares. As long as the federal government wants to play these games, people will always find loopholes. Not that they are so hard to find. When you have the same drug classified under two different schedules, there’s bound to be some confusion. But that’s their problem. And that problem is in turn a solution for medical marijuana users in Oregon and across the country. I have a feeling that the number of Marinol prescriptions being written is going to go way up in the near future. Too bad for the pharmaceutical companies the vast majority of those will go unfilled.

My Response to Denny Chapin

Last week, Mr. Chapin wrote a guest article for my blog about the decriminalization and/or legalization of marijuana. Now it’s my turn to respectfully disagree.

Denny, you ignorant slut. How can you live in the good ol’ U.S. of A. and still not have a clue about the American way of life? It sounds like you just don’t understand how we do things around here.

You talk about our president’s apparently contradictory views on the marijuana issue. But it makes perfect sense to me. Before being elected, our president was in favor of decriminalization and medical marijuana. Now that he’s president, he’s not. But he’s an admitted (former?) marijuana user, you might say. OK. And????? It’s just presidential privilege, and it’s as American as apple pie. In fact, it goes all the way back to the days of our Founding Fathers. For example, take John Adams, an outspoken critic of King George and the British government when he was a member of the Second Continental Congress. Yet after being elected president, he signed into law the Alien and Sedition Acts, which made criticizing our government against the law. See? Putting others in jail for something you yourself once did is just a part of being president. I think it might even be in the Constitution (I’ll have to check).

And I think you are being a little harsh on Mr. Kerlikowske. Remember, he’s just a civil servant doing his job. Surely you are aware that a Congressional mandate forces him to say the things he does. And you can’t blame the guy for taking the job in the first place. It’s easy money in these uncertain economic times, especially for a cop. So what if he has to lie and say things no self-respecting person would? So what if he had a completely different opinion before becoming Drug Czar? Do you really expect someone with a cushy government job to rock the boat? Again, I have to ask, what country do you live in? The guy’s just doing the job he’s paid to do and being a good American at the same time.

I also have to agree with Mr. Kerlikowske’s statement that science should determine what medicine is, not popular vote. Surely you know that while an individual person may be smart, “people” are most definitely not. Science is the one and only thing our drug laws should be based on. And not the kind of science that’s been done in the last 40 years, the hundreds, if not thousands, of papers published in peer-reviewed medical and scientific journals. I mean, most of that research was done by foreigners! When it comes to marijuana, that kind of “scientific” science is totally irrelevant. Our Drug Czar is talking about “real” science. You know, the kind that supports what the government wants you to believe. Until that kind of science is done, and done here in the good ol’ U.S. of A., I fully support Mr. Kerlikowske in his position that there is no evidence of any medical use for marijuana.

And finally, I have to come out in support of Mr. Kerlikowske’s fears regarding the dangers of widespread marijuana use. (I think his examples of the physical and psychological effects were taken from a pamphlet on alcohol abuse, but that’s neither here nor there.) Surely you’re aware of the horrible consequence of marijuana use. Haven’t you ever seen that classic documentary “Reefer Madness”? Watch it some time — you just might learn something. All these decriminalization and legalization advocates want is for everybody to be “high” all the time. Teachers, truck drivers, airline pilots, and yes, even eye surgeons. They want the streets to be filled with crazed hippies and jazz musicians. I’m not sure why they would want such a thing, but they do. So they must have a plan. And I’m sure it’s an evil plan. So I applaud Mr. Kerlikowske for not wanting our country to be overrun with marijuana addicts. As he so eloquently pointed out, marijuana use causes nuisance and crime. I don’t know about you, but hearing loud, overly-long Grateful Dead or Phish songs (or even worse, jazz music) blaring at all hours is a nuisance I can certainly live without.

So, Mr. Chapin, I’m afraid you are delusional, at best. Or perhaps you’re a marijuana addict, preaching your doctrine of immorality and lawlessness. Either way, the American people aren’t interested in the goods you’re selling. Or should I say “pushing”? We are a nation of law-abiding citizens (except of course for the 7.3 million of us currently serving time in jail or prison, on probation, or on parole). We believe in and trust our elected officials, and we know they would never lie to us. Maybe you should tell your story to someone who cares. Like all those hippies in the Netherlands or Portugal or Argentina. And thank your president and drug czar for looking out for your best interests.

Obama: Pro-Decriminalization and Anti-Legalization?

This week we have a very special guest post by none other than Denny Chapin. Mr. Chapin is the Managing Editor of AllTreatment.com, a directory of drug rehab centers and resource for substance abuse information. He has written for other blogs like Drug WarRant and Morning Donut.

Marijuana is Harmful

Recently-appointed ‘Drug Czar’ Gil Kerlikowske gave a speech on March 4th, 2010 entitled “Why Marijuana Legalization Would Compromise Public Health and Public Safety” in which Kerlikowske, speaking for the Obama Administration, strongly opposes the legalization and continued distribution of medical and potentially-legal marijuana. In his speech, Kerlikowske states that “science should determine what a medicine [referring to medical marijuana] is, not popular vote.” Citing instances where communities are using zoning, creating nuisance laws, and planning regulations, as well as the decrease in marijuana outlets in the Netherlands, the argument seems simple: legalizing marijuana causes nuisance and crime.

Beyond this point, Kerlikowske argues that the issue with marijuana is not about a culture war, but about what recent science has told us about the effects of the drug. “And the science, though still evolving, is clear: marijuana use is harmful. It is associated with dependence, respiratory and mental illness, poor motor performance, and cognitive impairment, among other negative effects.” Kerlikowske also cites decreased attention, negative effects on short-term memory, and decreased ability to learn and process information as other major negative side effects of marijuana use.

Kerlikowske, speaking for the Obama Administration, makes it clear that they are fighting legalization and the growth of medical marijuana dispensaries. The issue with all this is not whether or not it’s accurate, but rather what is motivating this loud reaction to medical marijuana, marijuana decriminalization, and marijuana legalization.

Background on the Drug Czar

Before Kerlikowske became the U.S. Drug Czar he was the Seattle Police Department’s Police Chief from 2001 until his appointment to the Office of National Drug Control Policy in 2009. In 2003 there was a local ballot initiative in Seattle that would make marijuana possession for personal use a low priority. Kerlikowske opposed the initiative, but in a response he stated, “arresting people for possessing marijuana for personal use... is not a priority now,” going on to say that the SPD was focusing more on cocaine and heroin traffickers.

Change in Position?

What changed from 2003 to 2009 that brought Kerlikowske to deliver a vehement speech touting the ills of marijuana? Perhaps these videos will shed some light on the subject:

Barrack Obama – “I inhaled frequently”

Barrack Obama and Medical Marijuana

Barrack Obama on Marijuana Decriminalization

Political Reaction

Barack Obama, too often it seems, has supported liberal views about marijuana decriminalization, medical marijuana, and his own personal use of marijuana, all before he was elected President of the United States.

First, can we not applaud this man for at least being honest about his past drug use, treating it with a bit of humor? At least we can see that Obama willingly goes past politics in certain cases.

However, it seems like the backlash against Obama’s liberal views have prompted a far more conservative, ‘scare-based’ approach at the federal level. Kerlikowske’s statements paint marijuana legalization as the disastrous path that the United States seems to be treading.

Contradiction?

Is there contradiction within these views? Obama is explicitly against, and with Kerlikowske’s help, has removed the fiery language of the “drug war,” favoring legislation for marijuana decriminalization, also admitting he smoked marijuana in his youth with the intention of getting high. Kerlikowske stated that police enforcement of marijuana possession was a low priority for the SPD in 2003. So the question remains: are these views compatible with the notion that marijuana legalization is a sure-fire path to a dumber youth population, increase in crime, and decrease in productivity in our citizens?

I believe the answer to this question is simply that there is no contradiction in holding a pro-decriminalization and anti-legalization stance. Being against legalization does not prohibit or necessarily prevent one from being for decriminalization. While this position is uncommon (usually someone who is against legalization is also against decriminalization), there are no inherent logical faults in stating that marijuana possession should not be a criminal offense, while also stating that marijuana should not be legalized. As such, legislating in favor of decriminalization is compatible with legislating against legalization.

One simply wonders: Is this speech a product of millions of YouTube views, or real sentiment our government is willing to spend time, energy, and money on? And that, I’m afraid, remains up in the air.

Be sure to tune in next week for my rebuttal—T.A.

Congress Amends Controlled Substance Act

Washington, DC — In a move many are saying is long over due, President Obama today signed into law the most sweeping changes to the Controlled Substances Act since its passing in 1970. In addition to recreational drugs, the newly-expanded law outlaws a variety of other activities that have been deemed harmful to individuals and to society. Accordingly, the law has been renamed the Controlled Pleasures Act of 2010, or CPA for short.

As expected, prostitution and gambling were immediately classified as Schedule II controlled pleasures under the CPA. Both will now be federal crimes, but because of their Schedule II status, will still be allowed in Las Vegas and Atlantic City. Outside of those two locations though, raids are expected to shut down any operations that don’t comply with the new law. Indian reservations are not exempt. To accommodate the anticipated need for more law enforcement personnel, the DEA’s role has been greatly expanded. The agency has been renamed the Pleasure Enforcement Administration (PEA), and former DEA director Michele Leonhart was named as interim PEA director until a formal appointment can be made. “There’s no one better at denying people pleasure,” said Leonhart, “just ask my husband.”

In a surprise move, masturbation was classified as a Schedule I controlled pleasure, meaning it will now be illegal under any and all circumstances. Former Drug Czar, now interim Pleasure Czar, Gil Kerlikowske, was supportive of the decision. “What kind of message would we be sending our children if their government allowed such behavior,” said Mr. Kerlikowske. “We’ve known for years that masturbation is a gateway activity, leading to other forbidden pleasures, such as gambling, drugs, and prostitution. It has no medical benefit, is highly addictive, and undermines the moral integrity of our society.”

Law enforcement officials, prosecutors, and the private prison industry have also unanimously praised the new legislation. Mr. Kerlikowske, a former police officer, pointed out that masturbation is a major contributor to violent crime. “Most violent criminals at the time of their arrest had either recently masturbated or were planning to do so later that night. No other single activity has been associated with such a wide array of antisocial behavior.”

The newly-redesigned PEA web site provides plenty of data to support these and other claims. According to evidence provided by the PEA, masturbation has been linked to a variety of physical and emotional problems, especially in adolescent boys. Poor grades, short attention span, decreased cognitive ability, carpal tunnel syndrome, and blindness have all been reportedly caused by excessive masturbation. “We even have studies that show that masturbation causes white women to seek sexual relations with Negroes, entertainers, and any others,” said PEA director Leonhart. “Statistics don’t lie,” she added.

Commenting on this far-reaching new legislation, the president admitted it could potentially affect a large number of people, as over 50 percent of the population have admitted to engaging in one or more of the forbidden activities at least once. But in the long run, our nation as a whole will benefit. Especially those in law enforcement and the private prison industry. When asked if he personally had ever engaged in any of these activities, the president admitted, “Yes, I tried masturbation a few times when I was in college. But it was the 70s, and all the kids were doing it. I realize now that no one should be allowed this unhealthy, immoral pleasure. “Choking the chicken” is no longer in my vocabulary.”

But reactions outside of Washington were not as consistently positive about the new law. Susan Herman, president of the ACLU, denounced the legislation as not only an invasion of privacy, but discriminatory to minorities and the poor. “The poor will be unfairly targeted by this law. Because of crowded living conditions, those of lower socioeconomic status will be far more likely to be caught pleasuring themselves than middle-class kids who don’t have to share a bedroom.” Many medical experts also oppose the new law. “Masturbation is a completely normal activity that people have been doing for thousands of years,” said Dr. I.M. Wood of the Stanford Masturbation Institute. “The government’s claims of its potential harm are greatly exaggerated. There has never been a death attributed to masturbation, except of course those that have been linked to DWM (driving while masturbating).”

Nevertheless, the new law will go into effect today, April 1, 2010. If you wanted to “rub one out,” as the kids say, one last time, you are already too late. And if you still must, be sure to be quiet about it. Under the new law, “sounds of pleasure” are now grounds for a search warrant. But remember, it’s for your own good.




This is a work of fiction. Any similarity between the characters and events portrayed herein and any actual people or events is purely coincidental. Happy April 1st!

Hillary Clinton Declared Legally Insane

OK, I’m the one making the declaration, and maybe I don’t actually have the authority to make this declaration official. At least not in a strictly legal sense. But I think it’s obvious to anyone who’s been paying attention.

What I’m talking about is the delegation the U.S. of A. sent to Mexico this week to discuss the growing drug-related violence south of the border. In case you don’t know it, lots and lots of people have been killed in Mexico in the past few years since the Mexican government started their crack down on the drug cartels. Not that we really care all that much about some Mexicans killing each other. Sure, we’ve been sending them money to help them in their war on the cartels. But, as they say, out of sight, out of mind.

But all that changed last week when some Americans were killed in Mexico. Killing Mexicans is one thing. We might express our condolences, but beyond that it’s not really much of a concern to us. But when Americans are killed, well that’s an entirely different story.

So what do we do as a response? We send an impressive “delegation” to Mexico (it includes our Secretary of State, our Drug Czar, our Secretary of Defense, and our Secretary of Homeland security) to set them straight. Show them how we deal with drug violence here in the good ol’ U. S. of A. Which, nobody seemed to notice, is exactly the same way they deal with drug violence in Mexico. But no, that alone does not qualify anyone for an official declaration of insanity. What does is this little exchange quoted in the Wall Street Journal:

Mrs. Clinton said the administration was looking at anything that worked in fighting drug cartels. When asked if that included legalizing or decriminalizing drugs like marijuana, she said “no.”

They are willing to consider anything that might work. But that does not include decriminalization or legalization of marijuana. I guess her definition of “anything” is different than mine. Could Ms. Clinton have taken a lesson from her husband on how to change the meaning of common words?

Regardless, I think the U.S. strategy south of the border illustrates what Albert Einstein was talking about when he defined “insanity” as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” That’s exactly what we are doing. By “anything,” Ms. Clinton really means we will continue to do only what we’ve already been doing. In other words, more of the same. Doesn’t matter that this strategy has been, by any objective measure, a total failure. Both illegal drugs and drug-related violence are as prevalent as they’ve always been. Nevertheless, we are going to stick with it because we know in our hearts that it’s a good strategy. If we keep at it long enough, we’re bound to get the results we want. We just have to be patient. Why try something new, no matter how likely it is to work, when we already know we’re doing the right thing?

So, because Ms. Clinton believes that doing the same thing over and over will eventually produce different results, I officially and legally declare her insane. But what about the Drug Czar, you might ask? He’s spouting the same nonsense as Ms. Clinton. True. But he’s bound by law to spout that nonsense. He’s not insane, he’s just a good civil servant doing his job (not that there’s always a clear distinction between the two). But Ms. Clinton is not bound by the law that requires our Drug Czar to mindlessly regurgitate the party line. She can speak for herself. And if she really believes what she’s saying, it’s time somebody booked her a nice padded room in a secure institution where she can do no harm to herself or others. It’s for her own good. And ours.

US and Canadian Officials on Cartel Payroll?

The evidence may be entirely circumstantial, but its volume is rapidly increasing every day. It’s getting to the point where it will soon be pretty difficult for politicians and law enforcement officials on both sides of the border to deny their involvement. After all, if it looks like a duck, and walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...

What first made me sit up and take notice was what some might call a coincidence. Both the US Drug Czar and the Canadian Prime Minister both made public statements in the same week implicating their involvement in the Mexican drug cartels. That was just too much of a “coincidence” for me not to notice.

First there was our very own Drug Czar, Gil Kerlikowske, who has repeatedly pointed out the connection between illegal marijuana and the Mexican cartels. Here’s a great example from his testimony before the Committee on Oversight and Government Reform:

The violent international drug cartels operating on both sides of the border are criminals, but they collectively pose a national security threat to our Nation.

He is pointing out the obvious, that the cartels are so dangerous as to threaten our national security. And he agrees that the majority of the cartels’ funding comes from the black market marijuana trade. Yet he consistently opposes any changes in our laws that might serve to undermine those very cartels. “Legalization” is not in his nor in the president’s vocabulary.

And then there was a comment made by Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper in a YouTube interview. When asked about the legalization of marijuana, the number one most popular issue, his reply included the following:

Buying marijuana, he said, means supporting “international cartels that are involved in unimaginable violence, intimidation, social disaster and catastrophe all across the world.”

He’s promoting a policy of strict prohibition and at the same time admitting that that policy is putting money into the hands of some of the most violent criminals in the world. If that isn’t virtually admitting his involvement with those cartels, I don’t know what is. Smells a little ducky to me.

So that got me wondering, if this conspiracy reaches to the highest levels of government, who else is involved? What about some of these so-called tough-on-crime drug crusaders. Is their crusade just a ruse to hide their involvement with the cartels? What about DEA agent Jeffrey Sweetin who recently conducted a raid on a legitimate Colorado medical marijuana grower. At the time of the raid, agent Sweetin commented, “The time is coming when we go into a dispensary, we find out what their profit is, we seize the building and we arrest everybody.” So he wants to put an end to the legal marijuana market. It doesn’t take rocket appliances to know that every legitimate dispensary or grower that is shut down puts money into the pockets of the cartels. Could agent Sweetin be on a cartel’s payroll?

And what about those crusaders in Southern California: San Diego district attorney Bonnie Dumanis, Los Angeles district attorney Steve Cooley, or Los Angeles city attorney Carmen Trutanich? Surely they must realize that every dollar of income they take away from a legitimate dispensary goes directly to an illegal cartel. More lackeys of the cartels? You tell me.

Although circumstantial, I’d say the evidence against these and other alleged prohibitionists is overwhelming. I think it’s about time that these people be investigated. In fact, I’d say that any time any politician or law enforcement official appears to favor the black market over the legal market, that’s grounds for an investigation. Let’s nip this collusion in the bud. Let’s stop these puppets of the most violent criminals in the world from infiltrating and corrupting our government. Let’s root them out and exile them to Mexico where they can hang out with their cartel buddies and leave us the hell alone.

A Constitutional Loophole?

Marijuana and other recreational drugs are illegal everywhere in the U.S. of A. because of a piece of federal legislation passed in 1970 called the Controlled Substances Act (CSA). So how is it, you might ask, that criminalizing alcohol in 1919 required a Constitutional amendment, yet criminalizing any and all other drugs required nothing more than Congress passing a law? The answer involves what you might call “finding a loophole” in the Constitution. After briefly explaining that so-called loophole, I’m going to outline what I think is another loophole that might just negate the first.

To begin with, the 10th amendment to the Constitution states: “The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people.” In other words, any powers not specifically given to the federal government by the Constitution are given to the states or the people. That’s why alcohol prohibition required a Constitutional amendment: the power to criminalize alcohol had to be specifically granted to the federal government by the Constitution.

But those tricky folks in the Nixon administration figured out a way around that pesky old 10th amendment. They justified the CSA with the Commerce Clause of the Constitution, which gives Congress the power “To regulate Commerce with foreign Nations, and among the several States.” Since a lot of recreational drug use involves international and interstate commerce, the CSA can be seen as Congress exercising its power to regulate the drug market. It doesn’t matter that it is a black market, ironically because of the CSA. The law doesn’t distinguish–a market is a market–so the Constitutionality of the CSA has been upheld.

But what, you may be wondering, about drug-related activity that occurs entirely within a single state, or even entirely within one’s home? Believe it or not, the Supreme Court has decided that the national and/or international market is still involved. Yes it’s true. If, for example, you were to grow your own marijuana in your own home and consume it there, you are still affecting the market because you’re not spending your money in it. Hard as it is to believe, the Supreme Court supports the Constitutionality of the CSA because it helps protect the business interests of black market drug dealers. In other words, the CSA created and now protects the black market for illicit drugs.

But what about the medical marijuana market? Couldn’t it be said that states that currently allow medical marijuana have created a brand new market? Actually a set of new markets, each entirely self-contained within its state. Markets that do not involve interstate or international commerce. Legitimate markets that are entirely different from the illicit black market created by the CSA. Markets that do not fall under the federal government's authority to regulate commerce.

So it seems to me (I am not a lawyer) that the Constitutionality of the CSA could be challenged on these grounds. Granted, the Supreme Court decided that the illicit drug market can be “controlled” by the federal government. But we’re no longer talking about that market. The legal, state-controlled markets for medical marijuana are completely separate and different, and in no way involve any commerce outside of their respective states. What do you think? Could this be a legitimate loophole? Any Constitutional lawyers out there care to comment?

Canada’s Our Bitch

It’s been a while since I’ve felt motivated to write something for my blog, but a recent development in the drug war has gotten my creative juices flowing again. What I’m talking about is the situation with Marc Emery. In case you haven’t heard, Mr. Emery ran a successful mail-order cannabis seed operation for many years in Canada. He paid his taxes, and the Canadian government was (mostly) happy. That is, until they were approached by the good ol’ U.S. of A., who considered Mr. Emery a major drug kingpin and a threat to the American way of life (i.e., prohibition). So when the DEA asked for Mr. Emery’s head on a platter (figuratively speaking), surprisingly, the Canadian government was more than happy to oblige. After a lengthy legal battle, Mr. Emery surrendered himself last week to be extradited to the U.S. Once here, he will spend years in an American prison for what is a minor offense in Canada. That is, if the Canadian government had ever bothered to prosecute him. Which they didn’t. (Now that I think about it, this would make a great episode for that TV show, Locked Up Abroad).

Let’s face it, Canada may have at times seemed like a independent-minded country, but deep down they’ve always wanted to be just like us. And with their now-conservative government, there’s no longer any need to pretend. It’s kind of nice actually, having things out in the open like this. I mean where else are we going to find a country where when we say, “jump,” they ask, “how high?” It’s especially refreshing at a time when we just can’t seem to get any respect around the world. Maybe Canada’s new motto should be, “What’s OK in the U.S. is fine with us.”

It’s sort of like when you were a kid and you had a little brother. You know, the one that’s always tagging along, wanting to play with the big kids. Sure they’re annoying at times, but having someone that’s willing to do just about anything to get into your good graces can be kind of fun. You want them to go fetch something, they hop to it. You need somebody to do your chores, they’re more than happy to. Of course, no matter what they do, they’re still that annoying little brother, and you can never really take them seriously. But you pretend to, and everybody is happy. If that little brother were a country, he would be Canada.

The main reason we can’t ever take them seriously is because they do things that we would never, ever do ourselves. (Or at least admit to doing.) For example, what do you think would happen if the situation were reversed? Let’s say that someone in the U.S. was selling liquor over the internet to people in Iran, where alcohol is illegal. What do you think would happen if the Iranians wanted to come over here and arrest those liquor peddlers with an armed paramilitary force, and then haul them off to an Iranian prison? Not a chance in hell we would allow that. I have no doubt that the U.S. government would stand up for the rights of its citizens and tell the Iranians to take a hike. But the Canadians have no problem with handing one of their own law-abiding citizens over to a foreign country to sit for years in a foreign prison. That’s what makes them fun to have around, but we can never accept them as equals.

And I almost forgot the best part, the aspect of this situation that shows how big and important we really are. At least compared to Canada. You see, Mr. Emery was not arrested for anything he’s done. There are hundreds of cannabis seed vendors in Canada and around the world that are still in operation and still selling their product to Americans. Turns out Mr. Emery was singled out and arrested for what he said. And for how he spent his profits. The DEA even admitted it. Publicly. When speaking to the press after Mr. Emery’s arrest, did the DEA mention the impact of their bust on the flow of illegal drugs into our country? Did they mention the impact on drug production in our country? Did they mention the impact on drug use in our country? No, no, and no. Their only comment was on the impact the arrest had on the marijuana legalization movement, now that one of its major spokesmen and funders was out of the picture. I guess it just goes to show that freedom of speech applies only to American citizens, at least as far as we’re concerned. After all, we can’t allow foreigners to go around criticizing our government and its policies, now can we? And who else but Canada is going to let us lock up their citizens for criticizing us? It’s nice not to have to invade a country to make them see things our way.

So now that we’ve made Canada our bitch, I wonder how else we can make them bend over and take what we’re pushing. More importantly, how can we insure that after we have our way with them, they stand up and politely say, “Thank you, sir. May I have another?” You know, they’ve got that universal health care system that we hate so much (damn socialists!). Maybe we ought to start arresting Canadians who speak out on the benefits of their health care system. I’m sure we could find an excuse. And that’s only the start. Before you know it, Canada will be just like our 51st state. Without any of the benefits, of course.

Another Three Bite the Dust

History was made last week. What? You didn’t hear about it? Maybe that’s because this particular story doesn’t fit in too well with the message the mainstream media is trying to sell you. What I’m talking about is the decriminalization of drugs in Mexico. People can no longer go to jail for personal possession of small amounts of any controlled substance. At least not after the new law goes into effect. And when I say “small,” I’m talking really small. The limit for marijuana is five grams, and for cocaine it’s half a gram. If you are caught with the specified amount or less, you are encouraged to seek treatment. If you are caught three times, treatment is mandatory. That’s it. No jail or criminal record.

Granted, this is a very small step. It will likely do nothing to impact the extreme violence in Mexico caused in big part by the U.S.’s prohibitionist policies. Cartels will continue to kill and be killed by the authorities in record numbers. So other than refocusing the efforts of the Mexican police, there will probably be very little immediate effect. “So, what’s the big deal?” you might ask. Well, I’m glad you asked. The big deal is that this very same legislation was proposed in Mexico less that three years ago. The result? The good ol’ U.S. of A. threw a hissy fit. It might have been a conniption, I’m not sure. But the point is, the U.S. told Mexico that such a law was not acceptable. Prohibition was the one and only way to deal with the drug menace. And of course Mexico said, “Yes sir. Thank you sir, may I have another.” End of story.

But things seem to have changed here in the land of the free. This time, the Mexican legislation was proposed and passed with nary a word from the bully to the north. Zip. Nada. No response whatsoever. In fact, you might even think that we are trying to avoid the issue entirely. It’s kind of like if we just ignore the Mexican’s attempt at a sensible drug policy, it will just go away and leave us alone. But that’s OK. Progress is progress, no matter how small or how quiet it’s kept.

But wait, there’s more. At the same time that Mexico was making history, drugs were decriminalized in Argentina as well. Well, sort of. The Argentinean supreme court unanimously ruled that it is unconstitutional to punish an adult for the private use of marijuana as long as that use doesn't harm anyone else. Now this is not quite the same as actually changing legislation, but it’s pretty close. This ruling will force the Argentinean legislature to reconsider their drug laws. As if that wasn’t enough, earlier this year a Brazilian court made a similar ruling. That’s right, possession of a controlled substance for personal use is no longer against the law in Brazil.

So that makes three – count them, three – nations in this hemisphere that have eliminated criminal penalties for the personal possession of controlled substances. I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to feel just a little optimistic again. Just when I thought things were back to normal and there was no hope. If this keeps up, my optimism might just become a habit. Now if they’d just stop raiding medical marijuana dispensaries in this country, as was promised, I might very well become downright giddy. Nah. That’ll never happen.