I Hate The Dutch

That’s right, you heard me. Those Dutch are just so damn smug and think they’re better than everybody else. They don’t even have a huge army or a nuclear arsenal of their own, so where do they get off thinking they know anything about anything? I mean, just who do they think they are anyway?

Sorry to go off like that, but I was just reading something about the situation in Holland (or The Netherlands, or whatever they call themselves these days), and it got me a little hot under the collar. And more than a little scared. I’m talking about the way the Dutch deal with recreational drugs and their users. I just can’t believe how tolerant they are. What’s wrong with them? So what if they have the lowest incidence of drug use in the civilized world? So what if heroin and meth addicts are practically an endangered species in Holland? If the Dutch are not spending exorbitant amounts of money and doing everything they can to put drug users behind bars, then what kind of message are they sending their youth? Where do they get off treating drug abuse as a social rather than a criminal problem? Do they think that just because their approach works, it’s OK? That kind of thinking sure wouldn’t fly here in the good ol’ US of A.

Or perhaps it’s the Dutch people, and not their government, that are to blame. Maybe they are just too ignorant to understand that if their government doesn’t put drug users in jail, that means that they are supposed to use more, not less, drugs. Really! How stupid could the Dutch people be? Maybe we need to all pitch in and buy them a clue.

In any event, something must be done about it. The sooner the better. Being an American, I think the best solution is a military intervention. Some wise and benevolent republic with a powerful military needs to liberate the poor, ignorant Dutch from their misguided, dangerously non-oppressive government. A simple invasion, followed by the installation of a new government and a lengthy occupation should do the trick. Now that I think about it, that’s right up the US’s alley. Once we get this business in Iraq settled, which should be any day now, maybe we should set our sights on Holland. That’ll wipe the smiles off their smug, tolerant, drug-addled faces. Of course, finding a drug-addled face in Holland might not be quite as easy as it is here. At least not until after the liberation.